Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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