I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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