yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
