I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
