i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
