so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
