if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have tasted many bathrooms
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
