Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
