I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
