I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
