I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she smelled like a LAN party
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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