Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
