Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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