goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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