Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
