My first STD was from a foam party
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
