if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
