we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
