We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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