i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
