I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
