To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
