Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
