Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
