as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
