I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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