Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
