Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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