It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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