omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
