she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
