Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
How's work?
Spinning.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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