ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
