wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
