Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
