Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
