Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
