My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
