3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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