Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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