just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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