someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Vodka?
Forever.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
