i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
