don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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