Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
