Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
