My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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