dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
