I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
