this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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