i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
