yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
