I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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