please come you make the beer taste better
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
