Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize