Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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