If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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