question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Randomize
