my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
