Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
