he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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