I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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