He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
