And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
