he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
