he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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