spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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