You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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