Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize