I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
