I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Randomize
