either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
