I want to have your abortion
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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