He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
