I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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