Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
