I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
