I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
