We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
