you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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