well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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