I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
