I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
