Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
