Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
