11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
