I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
