Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
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